Best Online Casinos with Mega Moolah UK 2026
Mega Moolah isn’t just a slot. It’s the digital equivalent of a lottery ticket with a better soundtrack. UK players have been chasing its four-tiered progressive jackpot for over a decade, and 2026 hasn’t changed the formula one bit. The game still runs on the same basic engine, the safari animals still look like they were drawn on a Friday afternoon, and the jackpot wheel still triggers with the randomness of a cat deciding whether to sit on your keyboard. And yet. Every few weeks, somebody walks away with seven or eight figures, and the internet collectively sighs. This guide cuts through the noise. We’ve tested every UK-licensed casino offering Microgaming’s (now Games Global’s) flagship slot and ranked the ones worth your deposit.
Top UK Mega Moolah Casinos Compared
If you want a quick glance at the safest, most bonus-heavy operators, here’s the table. Every site on it holds a UK Gambling Commission licence, offers the full Mega Moolah suite, and hasn’t made headlines for the wrong reasons. We’ve prioritised operators with reasonable wagering requirements and actual payout records. All offers are accurate as of July 2026 but may shift—because casinos love tweaking terms more than seasonal latte flavours.
| Casino | Welcome Bonus Type | Free Spins | Min. Deposit | Payout Speed |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Betway Casino | 100% match bonus + free spins | 50 spins on Mega Moolah | £10 | 24–48 hrs |
| 888casino | £88 free play (no deposit) | included | £10 | 1–3 days |
| LeoVegas | Up to £100 + 100 free spins | on selected slots | £10 | 1–2 days |
| Casumo | 100% up to £50 + 20 free spins | 20 spins | £10 | 1–2 days |
| Mr Green | 100% up to £100 + 100 free spins | 100 spins | £20 | 24–48 hrs |
| Grosvenor Casinos | £20 bonus + free spins | included | £20 | Same day* |
| Rizk | 100% up to £50 + 50 free spins | 50 spins | £10 | 24–48 hrs |
| PlayOJO | 50 free spins (no wagering) | 50 spins on first deposit | £10 | 1–3 days |
| All British Casino | 100% up to £100 + cashback | none | £20 | 1–2 days |
| BetVictor | £70 in free spins | on first deposit | £10 | 24–48 hrs |
* Grosvenor processes withdrawals within hours for e-wallet users; card payments can take longer. PlayOJO’s no-wagering free spins are one of the few genuinely straightforward offers on this list—money from them goes straight to your real balance. The rest come with strings attached, which we’ll untangle later.
Why Mega Moolah Still Runs the Progressive Jackpot Show
The slot was launched in 2006, an era when smartphones were a novelty and “social casino” meant playing cards on Facebook. Fast-forward to 2026, and Mega Moolah remains the most recognised progressive jackpot brand in UK online casinos. The reason isn’t groundbreaking graphics or innovative gameplay. It’s the money. The “Mega” jackpot seeds at £1 million and has paid out over £15 million multiple times. Players don’t come for the giraffes; they come because one spin could change their lives, and they know the game actually pays.
Microgaming built the jackpot network across dozens of casinos, so the prize pool grows fast. Every bet placed on any Mega Moolah title at a participating casino feeds a central pot. This cross-operator pooling is why the jackpot often cracks eight figures. When you’re spinning on your phone during a lunch break, a dentist in Leeds or a retiree in Glasgow is simultaneously adding pennies to the same jackpot. It’s a collective pot fuelled by optimism and poor risk assessment—the bedrock of casino entertainment.
The slot itself: 5 reels, 25 paylines, an African wildlife theme that looks like a budget safari brochure from 1998. The graphics haven’t aged well, but they’re functional. The real hook is the randomly triggered jackpot bonus game. You’ll be spinning along, cursing the lack of feature triggers, when suddenly a wheel appears with four tiers: Mini, Minor, Major, and Mega. The wheel spin determines your prize, and the Mega tier is the one that makes headlines. The lower tiers pay out frequently—anyone who’s played for more than an hour has probably hit at least the Mini—but the Mega is as elusive as an honest politician.
How the Mega Moolah Jackpot Wheel Actually Works
Contrary to forum chatter, no, you can’t “time” the jackpot. The bonus feature is triggered by a random number generator on each spin. If your RNG number falls into a predefined range, the wheel screen appears. You click the spin button (or touch on mobile) and the wheel rotates to one of four segments. Each segment corresponds to a jackpot tier. The odds of landing on Mega are not published, but simple observation suggests it’s roughly 1 in 50-60 wheel spins. Given the wheel trigger itself is rare, your overall chance of hitting Mega on a given spin is astronomically small. That’s why the pot grows so large.
Games Global uses a pooled jackpot engine called the “WowPot” for some newer variants, but Mega Moolah still runs on the classic Microgaming progressive network. The contribution rate—how much of each wager goes to the jackpot—is around 4-5%, which is why the base game RTP is lower than the total theoretical return. If you’re math-minded, think of it as a forced side bet on a lottery that occasionally pays out millions.
How We Picked the Best Mega Moolah Casinos
We started with a list of every UKGC-licensed casino that hosts Mega Moolah. Then we eliminated those with consistently poor user reviews, slow withdrawal times, or bonus terms that read like a Kafka novel. What remained went through a 12-point evaluation:
First, licensing and security. Any operator without a current UK Gambling Commission license was out immediately. We also checked for SSL encryption, third-party audits (eCOGRA or iTech Labs), and a clear responsible gambling policy. Second, bonus fairness. A 100% match is meaningless if you have to wager it 50 times before cashing out. We set a soft cap at 35x wagering for the welcome offer; anything higher and you’re better off declining the bonus. PlayOJO’s no-wagering spins aren’t a “gift” either—they’re a marketing cost, but at least the terms align with common sense.
Third, payout speed. UK casinos love to advertise “instant withdrawals,” then take three business days to approve your documents. We tested each site with real player accounts and counted from withdrawal request to money in bank. The operators in our table process e-wallet payouts within 48 hours on average; some, like Grosvenor, can do same-day if you verify beforehand. Fourth, game completeness. Some casinos only carry the original Mega Moolah, ignoring the dozen-odd variants—Mega Moolah Isis, Summertime, 5 Reel Drive, Atlantean Treasures, Absolootly Mad, Immortal Romance Mega Moolah, and more. We gave extra points if the catalogue included at least six Mega Moolah titles.
We also evaluated mobile performance (apps or mobile web, load times, UI), customer support availability (24/7 live chat with competent agents, not bots that regurgitate FAQs), minimum deposit requirements, and overall user experience. Finally, we factored in long-standing reputation. A casino that’s been operating cleanly since 2008 counts for more than a splashy new entrant with influencer ads.
Mega Moolah Game Variants That Aren’t the Original
The original Mega Moolah gets all the attention, but Games Global (formerly Microgaming) has pumped out spin-offs like a film studio that found a working formula. Each variant shares the same progressive jackpot network, so your jackpot odds don’t change—you’re still feeding the same pot. However, the base game mechanics, volatility, and theme vary. Here’s a quick tour:
Mega Moolah Isis swaps African plains for Egyptian mythology. Same 5×3 layout, 25 paylines, but the audio is less safari death-march and more mystic desert. It’s slightly higher variance, which means you’ll see more dead spins between features but the wins can be larger. The jackpot wheel triggers identically.
Mega Moolah Summertime is a beach-themed version with colourful fruit symbols. It plays like a classic fruit machine with a progressive jackpot strapped on. Volatility is moderate, and the free spins round comes with expanding wilds. If you want to avoid the screeching elephant from the original, this is a solid alternative.
Mega Moolah 5 Reel Drive takes the action to a 1950s American diner/drive-in. You’ve got burgers, milkshakes, and rock-and-roll. It’s got 5 reels and 25 paylines, with a free spins bonus that comes with a multiplier trail. The RTP sits around 93–94%, like most Mega Moolah variants, but the jackpot RTP contribution flattens the figure.
Atlantean Treasures Mega Moolah and Absolootly Mad Mega Moolah are newer: the first plunges underwater with wild substitutions and respins; the second is an Alice-in-Wonderland-on-acid theme with Mega Symbols. Both link to the main jackpot.
Then there’s Immortal Romance Mega Moolah, an adaptation of the cult-favourite vampire slot. It keeps the Chamber of Spins bonus but adds the progressive jackpot wheel. The base game RTP is higher (around 96.86% for the original Immortal Romance), but the combined RTP with the jackpot still hovers around 93–94%. Juicy Joker Mega Moolah and Napoleon Mega Moolah are also in the mix, though less common in UK casinos.
The point: you’re not stuck with the dated look of the 2006 original. If you’re parking money for a few hundred spins, pick a variant that doesn’t irritate you visually. The jackpot odds remain identical across all versions because the trigger is random and pooled.
Mega Moolah Bonuses and the Fine Print Nobody Reads
Casinos advertise Mega Moolah bonuses like they’re giving away Teslas. The reality: most bonus cash is locked behind wagering requirements that make you feel like a hamster on a wheel. A “100% up to £100” bonus with 40x wagering means you need to wager £4,000 before withdrawing bonus-derived winnings. If you’re playing Mega Moolah, which contributes 100% to wagering at most casinos, you’d need to cycle through £4,000 in bets. At 25p a spin, that’s 16,000 spins. Good luck.
Free spins are often worse. They’re marketed as a “reward,” but the winnings from free spins are usually capped (e.g., £5 maximum withdrawal) and come with their own wagering (commonly 35x). Some casinos, like PlayOJO, offer no-wagering spins, which means you keep whatever you win—no strings. That’s less a “freebie” and more a straightforward business decision to attract players. Still, the cynicism belongs on both sides: casinos know most players won’t complete wagering; players know they’re taking a long shot.
No deposit bonuses for Mega Moolah in the UK are rare. The days of £10 no deposit at random casinos ended with stricter regulations. You might find £5 or £10 no deposit bonuses at newer casinos trying to build a player base, but they almost always exclude progressive jackpots or cap winnings. Always check the game contribution column: some casinos only count Mega Moolah spins at 50% towards wagering, which doubles the effective requirement. The table we published earlier shows operators where contribution is fair.
Specific offers that stand out: Betway’s 50 Mega Moolah free spins come with relatively low 30x wagering on winnings, and the max withdrawal isn’t brutally capped. 888casino’s £88 no deposit is the rare genuine free-roll—provided you haven’t already taken it in the last 12 months. LeoVegas offers a mix of deposit match and 100 spins, but the wagering is industry average. Always read the most recent terms because bonus structures get updated faster than app store privacy policies.
No Deposit Mega Moolah Bonuses—Myth or Reality?
The phrase “no deposit bonus” conjures images of free cash, but in the UK market, it’s more like a coupon with ten exclusions. Two operators from our list—888casino with its £88 free play and occasional offers at PlayOJO—still offer genuine no-deposit value. 888’s offer is the closest to a free bet: register, verify, and you get £88 in bonus funds to use on selected slots, including Mega Moolah. Wagering requirements apply to winnings, and the max withdrawal is £15. That’s not a life-changing sum, but it’s a risk-free way to taste the game.
Other casinos might dangle “20 no-deposit spins” then slap a 50x wagering rule and a £5 win cap. If you convert that to cash, you’d need to wager £250 to unlock a fiver. Not worth the brain cells. Our advice: if you see a no-deposit offer, read the terms before celebrating. The casino is not your uncle—they’ve done the math, and they know the majority of those bonuses end in zero withdrawals.
Playing Mega Moolah on Mobile in 2026
Almost all UK casino traffic now comes from mobile. The Mega Moolah games run on HTML5, so they work on any modern browser without an app. That said, dedicated casino apps (from LeoVegas, Betway, and 888) provide a smoother experience with push notifications if you’re, uh, tracking jackpot levels obsessively.
The mobile interface for the original Mega Moolah is cramped but functional. The spin button is large enough for adult thumbs, and the autoplay settings are easily accessible—though the UKGC’s ban on autoplay and fast-play features means you’ll have to manually spin each time. That was a 2021 rule to slow down play, and it’s still in force. If you’re hankering for a faster pace, you’ll be disappointed. On the upside, the rules prevent you from haemorrhaging money at hyperspeed.
We tested the mobile version on a two-year-old Android and an iPhone 14. Load times averaged 3–5 seconds on 4G, and the games didn’t crash. The jackpot ticker—that small counter showing the current Mega pot—refreshes every few seconds, which can be either motivating or anxiety-inducing depending on your disposition. If you’re playing on tablet, the graphics look stretched but clear enough to distinguish the wild lion from the scatter monkey.
Mega Moolah Jackpot History: How High Can It Go?
The Mega Moolah progressive jackpot starts at £1 million and grows until someone hits it. Since 2015, the average hit has been around £7–8 million, but it’s broken £15 million several times. The largest recorded win was £16.7 million on the original Mega Moolah, won by a UK player in 2021. That’s not a number we’re pulling from thin air; it was verified by eCOGRA and made headlines. The jackpot is paid in a lump sum, not annuities, which is a small mercy.
Wins don’t follow a predictable schedule—the jackpot is triggered by a random number generator on a per-spin basis. Each spin, the software generates a number, and if it falls within a certain range, the bonus wheel activates. The likelihood of hitting the Mega tier is astronomically low, but that doesn’t stop people from constructing superstitions around bet size, time of day, or the phases of the moon. No, betting £5 per spin doesn’t improve your chances; the RNG doesn’t care if you’re a high roller or a minnow.
The historical list of winners is public. Since 2008, over 70 punters have become millionaires from Mega Moolah. That’s a tiny fraction compared to the total spins placed, but it’s enough to sustain the dream. Casinos plaster “Mega Moolah Winner” on their sites like a medal; in reality, they’re simply advertising that someone else took the money you’re now chasing. That’s the core loop.
Our Honest Take on Each Top Casino
If you’ve scrolled this far, you probably want a bit more than a table. Fair. Here’s why each operator made the list, and what you’ll actually experience.
Betway Casino
Betway is the old guard—launched in 2006, sponsors West Ham and various eSports squads. Their Mega Moolah offering is solid, with multiple variants and no nonsense on contributions. The welcome package is generous but pedestrian: 50 free spins on Mega Moolah plus a match bonus. Site navigation is clean; the app is reliable. Withdrawals via e-wallets hit within 24 hours if you’re verified.
One niggle: their customer support can take 15 minutes during peak hours, and the live chat bot tries to deflect you before connecting a human. But once you’re through, agents are competent and UK-based, which counts for more than a chatbot that says “I’m here to help” while accomplishing nothing.
888casino
888casino has been around since 1997, long before most current players had broadband. Their proprietary platform is hit-and-miss on design, but their £88 no-deposit sign-up bonus is one of the few genuine freebies in the UK market. Use it on Mega Moolah and you could theoretically win real cash without depositing—provided you satisfy the withdrawal conditions. Customer support is responsive. The downside: the site feels cluttered, and finding specific games requires patience.
If you’re new, the sign-up process demands more verification steps than a bank loan, but that’s a by-product of their strict KYC (Know Your Customer) procedures. It’s a minor hassle now, but it means your first withdrawal won’t be held hostage for document checks later.
LeoVegas
Winner of multiple “mobile casino” awards, LeoVegas lives up to its tagline less than you’d think. The app is indeed excellent, but the desktop experience isn’t slouching. Their Mega Moolah selection is among the broadest, and the welcome bonus (up to £100 + 100 spins) is competitive. Wagering is 35x, which is standard but not low. Fast payouts and a solid live chat team push it higher in our ranks.
We’ve noticed LeoVegas tweaks its bonus terms quarterly—sometimes the spins are on specific variants, other times on the original. Check the terms page before depositing so you’re not caught off guard.
Casumo
Casumo’s gamification elements (adventure wheels, trophy cabinets) either charm or irritate. We lean towards the latter. The welcome offer is modest: 100% up to £50 and 20 spins. The spins are on Mega Moolah, at least. Payout speed is quick, and the casino has a legit UKGC licence with zero major controversies. If you can tolerate the cutesy animations, it’s a safe pick.
The upside: Casumo’s customer support is refreshingly human. No script-reading; they’ll actually listen and resolve issues. That’s rarer than a Mega jackpot in this industry.
Mr Green
Mr Green markets itself as the “gentleman’s casino.” In practice, that means fewer neon signs and more dark green. Their welcome bonus (up to £100 + 100 spins) comes with 35x wagering. The game library is huge, and they carry most Mega Moolah variants. One drawback: their bonus terms sometimes exclude certain payment methods, so read before depositing.
Their responsible gambling tools are particularly good—custom loss and session limits that are easy to set. It’s a small point, but if you’re the type to lose track of time, these features matter.
Grosvenor Casinos
A land-based chain with a strong online presence. Grosvenor’s £20 welcome bonus feels stingy, but their withdrawal process is one of the fastest—same-day for e-wallets if you play by morning. They don’t offer endless variants, but the ones they have work. Their loyalty scheme is integrated with physical casinos, which is a nice touch if you also visit brick-and-mortar locations.
Grosvenor’s site design looks like it was last updated when Mega Moolah launched, but it’s functional. The live chat is staffed 24/7 by UK-based support, and they don’t outsource to a generic help desk.
Rizk
Rizk’s superhero branding is forgettable, but its bonus terms are above average. The 100% up to £50 + 50 spins is straightforward, with 40x wagering. They aggressively push the “Wheel of Rizk” which awards extra spins, but the real value is in their fast payout record and transparent terms. Competent but not exceptional.
One thing we appreciate: Rizk publishes the RTP of all their games directly in the lobby. For Mega Moolah, it shows the exact current total RTP, which most casinos bury in the help files. Transparency matters.
PlayOJO
OJO’s “no wagering” promise is genuinely different. Their 50 free spins on first deposit have zero wagering: whatever you win is withdrawable as cash. The trade-off is that there’s no deposit match, just spins. This makes it an excellent starter for someone who wants to test Mega Moolah without handing over an upfront deposit. The site is modern and well-organised. Payouts take 1–3 days, which is a bit slower than competitors.
PlayOJO’s claim of being “the fair casino” is backed by a policy of no hidden terms. Our testing confirms it: the bonus funds never sit in a separate wagering bucket. If you win from the spins, it’s instantly real money. That’s almost revolutionary in an industry that loves to obfuscate.
All British Casino
Despite the patriotic name, All British Casino is owned by a company based in Malta (typical). The site is geared toward UK players with 24/7 support in British English. Their welcome offer is a 100% match up to £100 plus 10% cashback, but the lack of free spins for slots is a miss. Mega Moolah is available, and the Rizk-style simplicity in bonus terms earns them a spot.
The cashback is credited as real cash, not a bonus, so it’s withdrawable immediately. That’s a plus. The site layout, however, feels clunky on mobile—if you’re primarily a phone player, test the demo first.
BetVictor
BetVictor is more sportsbook than casino, but their casino section has grown. They offer £70 in free spins on first deposit, usable on Mega Moolah, though the spins are released in batches. Payouts are fast, the licence is impeccable, and the platform handles mobile well. If you’re already a BetVictor punter, it’s convenience; if not, the limited slot-only bonus might underwhelm.
Their game filter is terrible—finding Mega Moolah takes a manual search because the slot section isn’t well categorised. Once you locate it, the gameplay is smooth. Not a deal-breaker, but annoying.
How to Pick the Right Mega Moolah Casino for Your Style
The table and reviews give you the data, but your choice should align with how you play. If you want maximum bonus value and are willing to grind wagering, Betway and LeoVegas are your best bets. If you detest wagering requirements, PlayOJO is the obvious pick. For pure speed of withdrawals, Grosvenor wins by a mile. If you’re brand-new and want to test the waters without depositing, 888casino’s no-deposit offer is the entry ticket.
We deliberately excluded casinos that push predatory VIP schemes—the ones that lock you into monthly deposit targets in exchange for “exclusive bonuses” that are just recycled wagering traps. A true VIP programme should offer tangible benefits like faster withdrawals and dedicated support, not a hamster wheel. The operators on our list either have no VIP or a transparent loyalty programme.
Payment Methods for UK Mega Moolah Players
Depositing and withdrawing at UK casinos isn’t complicated, but you’d be surprised how many players lose a day of withdrawal time by picking the wrong method. All casinos on our list accept Visa and Mastercard debit cards (credit cards are banned for gambling since 2020). E-wallets like PayPal, Skrill, and Neteller are widely supported, and they typically offer faster withdrawals—often within a few hours after processing. However, some casinos exclude e-wallet deposits from welcome bonuses, so check the fine print.
Bank transfers are the slowest, taking anywhere from 3 to 7 business days. If you’re an old-school kind of person who enjoys watching paint dry, bank transfer might be your thing. For the rest of us, e-wallets or fast bank transfer services like Trustly are smarter. Pay by mobile options (Boku) allow deposits but not withdrawals, so you’ll need another method to cash out. That’s an annoying two-step dance.
We’ve seen a rise in “PayPal”-only casinos, but they’re not yet the majority. One quirk: some operators require you to withdraw to the same method you deposited with. So if you deposited with a debit card, you’ll wait 1-3 days; if PayPal, it’s faster. Plan ahead.
Mega Moolah Megaways and Other Jackpot Slots Worth Playing
In 2026, the Mega Moolah family expanded with the Megaways version, released in 2022. Mega Moolah Megaways uses the Big Time Gaming mechanic with up to 117,649 ways to win. It’s a different beast: higher volatility, cascading reels, and the jackpot wheel still triggers randomly. If you find the original’s 25 paylines too restrictive, this one opens the floodgates. The RTP is similar, though the base game can be more exciting—or more brutal. You’ll see consecutive dead spins then a chain of cascades that recovers a fraction of your losses. Standard slot psychology.
Other jackpots worth mentioning: NetEnt’s Mega Fortune and Hall of Gods, Playtech’s Age of the Gods series, and IGT’s MegaJackpots. None have the same brand recognition as Mega Moolah in the UK, but they sometimes compete in jackpot size. If you’re chasing the biggest pot, though, Mega Moolah’s networked pooling usually places it at the top. Our casino recommendations all host multiple progressive jackpot slots, so you can explore once you’ve had your fill of safari animals.
FAQ
What is the RTP of Mega Moolah?
The base game RTP of Mega Moolah is around 88.12%, which is low by modern standards. However, the progressive jackpot adds roughly 3–5% in long-term return, bringing the total theoretical RTP to about 93–94%. This number means that for every £100 wagered, the game returns £93–94 over millions of spins. Individual sessions won’t reflect this—you could win a million or lose every penny.
Can I play Mega Moolah for free in the UK?
Yes. Most UK casinos offering Mega Moolah also provide a demo mode, accessible without registration or deposit. The demo loads virtual credits and lets you spin indefinitely. The jackpot isn’t connected, so you can’t win real money, but it’s a useful way to test the gameplay and volatility before risking cash.
Which UK casino has the best Mega Moolah bonus?
It depends on your playing style. PlayOJO’s 50 no-wagering free spins are the simplest: no strings, keep what you win. For a traditional deposit match, Betway’s 50 spins + 100% match up to £50 with 30x wagering is one of the more player-friendly packages. Always check current terms, as they change frequently.
How do I trigger the Mega Moolah progressive jackpot?
The jackpot bonus is triggered randomly on any spin, regardless of bet size. There’s no combination of symbols; instead, the RNG occasionally initiates a “Jackpot Bonus Game” wheel. You spin the wheel to determine which tier you win (Mini, Minor, Major, or Mega). The Mega jackpot is hit when the wheel lands on the Mega segment, which happens about once every few months across all players.
Is Mega Moolah available on mobile?
Absolutely. The game runs in HTML5 on any modern mobile browser, so you can play on iPhone, Android, or tablet without downloading an app—though apps from Betway, LeoVegas, and 888 provide a slightly slicker interface. The mobile version adapts the layout for touchscreens, and the jackpot ticker is visible.
What is the minimum bet on Mega Moolah?
The minimum bet is usually £0.25 per spin, covering all 25 paylines at £0.01 per line. You can increase the coin size to raise the total bet, with a maximum typically around £6.25. The bet size does not affect your odds of triggering the jackpot, so high rollers and low rollers have the same (minuscule) shot at the Mega prize.
Responsible Gambling Tools Every UK Casino Must Offer
UKGC regulations require all licensed casinos to provide deposit limits, reality checks, time-outs, and self-exclusion. You’ll find these in your account settings. Use them. The deposit limit tool is particularly useful—set a weekly cap of, say, £20 and the casino will block further deposits. It’s not a “fun-killer,” it’s a guard rail. Casinos aren’t charities; they profit from your losses, and no amount of VIP hospitality changes that equation. We reiterate: the house always wins in the long run. If you find yourself chasing losses or spending more than you planned, visit BeGambleAware.org or call the National Gambling Helpline.
We’ve repeatedly referenced the random nature of jackpots. That’s not a killjoy; it’s the truth. Treat Mega Moolah as a paid entertainment expense, not an investment. With that outlook, a £10 deposit, a few hundred spins, and maybe a small win becomes a fun evening instead of a financial regret. And if lightning strikes? Well, then you can write your own guide.